Its been a rough week...

and an even rougher weekend...guess the stream of consciousness that follows is just me needing to vent a little...(after all this journal is as much for my benefit as anyone elses...) so welcome to my world...You never notice your body shutting down. It just happens gradually.One day you find an angry red rash covering your neck and shoulders - you put it down to a change in washing powder.After a week or two it cleasrs up then the palms of your hands become really dry and start peeling - new liquid soap in the washroom at work?The constant throwing up? - food poisioning.Headaches and dizziness? - too long in front of a VDU.Everything can be explained, everything has a rational reason.but what is really happening is bit by bit your body is protesting, refusing to go on.Always feeling exhausted, every day a struggle just to rise from your bed and crawl into work. No energy, no concentration. Your back starts to ache. Its an old injury playing up, telling you its time to go to the osteopath again but the osteopath is expensive so you put it off for as long as possible. Until one day you can barely stand up - until you are having to lay in bed each night with a hot water bottle on your back, whincing each time you change position, trying desparately to find one that at least makes you semi-comfortable.Its not all in your mind.Its all in your body.A routine establishes itself...you eat and then an hour later you throw up. You feel better. Your stomach is empty therefore no more quessiness. But after a while the lack of digested nourishment means that you feel hungry and you're feeling better anyway so you eat.You learn to eat bland food that doesn't burn too much on the way back up. You time your meals so that you will be within reach of a bathroom or at least a grass verge in an hours time.For the time between throwing up and giving in to that desparate gnaw that directs you towards the kitchen, you feel fine, you feel good. You can almost function for what passes for a normal human being.The windows are there and you learn to use them. Eat, feel crap, throw up, function, eat.Its a viscious circle and it becomes your life.Sorry...and ignore all this if you want but I am just beginning to feel fed up with it all. Actually I've gone beyond fed up and have now moved into the 'coping' zone...I guess if it continues next week as well then I should go to the doctor but the last thing I want is to be signed off sick...I have three major projects going live in the next month.Like I said...desert island anyone...preferrably one with room service! *g**screams* all I want is to feel well...is that too much to ask?I would take painkillers but I can't seem to keep them down :