Drabble #98

Harking back to an earlier era but still relevent today me thinks...They said he fought bravely. He died a hero’s death.A nice letter from his CO stated that he was ‘well respected and thought of’ by the whole unit.A credit to his country.An inspiration.They would all miss him.But to his mother none of this mattered.They weren’t talking about the child she knew.The little boy with skinned knees and biscuit crumbs around his mouth.proudly presenting her with a homemade Mother’s Day card.The little boy with hot, sweet breath who whispered ‘I love you Mummy’ each night as she tucked him into his bed.

Proof if ever it was needed...

...of where I get my love of the moribund from.I happened to mention to my mother a few months back that I had been writing some drabbles.It obviously fired her imagination (plus I think the challenge of 100 words appealed to her) as she proudly announced the other day that she had written one. Except that she *insists* on calling it a 'dribble'!Dutifully she typed it up for me and then sent it to me snail-mail - despite me having set her up a hotmail account and them having Outlook on their PC. Oh well... 'powoli, powoli' as my Polish tutor used to say...Anyhow...I now present the evidence...The boy awoke, he looked around the cave with unseeing eyes. The dog had died in the night, finally overcome by fatigue and relentless cold.The boy nuzzled his face into the matted fur and wept. ‘Its over then'. He said.He dragged his grotesque body to the entrance of the cave, his twisted fingers feeling the cold stone. Unbearable pain gripped his deformed body. The sea was closer now, he could feel the icy spray. Onwards he crawled, oblivious to the cold. For one miraculous moment he saw an intense light beckoning him onwards. ‘Its finally over.’ He said.p.s. Of course there is a post from me to come regarding the outbreak of war but more of that later...

Yay! Back in the land of the living...

...or at least the land of those who can eat soup and keep it down! Back at work today, can anybody say 'frustrating'? Our phones, e-mail and net browsers went down and the network was wobbly to say the least. I warned against voiceover IP when it was installed but did anyone listen to me? Noooooooooo and now they are reaping the benefits of their foolishness.Anyway...here to post a little drabble I did for Po's challenge but I stuck it in a reply comment in her lj before she explained that she was going to keep them all secret until after the closing date so I guess I might just have to do another one for her. :)Not quite sure where this one came from. It sails a bit close to, and may even cross the line of what is generally considered 'good taste' - even more so because its major pragtagonist is motivated purely by altristic reasons.Oh well...you read and decide...Disclaimed as ever.No reflection *what-so-ever* on the person whose name I have 'borrowed'.Silence.That’s all there ever was between them.Silence.Even when he kissed his lover’s lips no sound came.Never once did he cry out as they made love.No sounds of ecstasy or pleasure as he penetrated his beautiful body.As he wrapped his arms around him, held him close.As he pulled the covers up, protecting him from the cold.When the dawn came, Lee reluctantly rose, dressed.It wouldn’t do for him to be half naked when his bosses arrived.He sighed wistfully.It would be a real pity when they put this one in the ground.

Just in case anyone was wondering...

...and I've just had a rather unpleasant run-in with someone on e-bay over it. I'm housebound atm with this flu bug that seems to be sweeping the country and in particular my office. Over the last six weeks or so I have had various members of my team off with it and now it has struck me. I'm doing ok but have zero energy (which I was trying to explain to someone who is threatening to give me neg feedback, how I can barely walk to the bathroom much less the post office to buy stamps etc and post off a cheque, although my plea for compassion seems to have fallen on deaf ears. Ever get the feeling that some ppl take e-bay just a *little* too seriously. Its not as if I don't intend to pay or anything.grrrr)So anyway if I currently owe anyone e-mails/story parts etc and you don't here from me for a few days DON'T start getting snotty on me. Its not that I don't want to reply, its just that I only have small windows of energy and am struggling to put coherent thoughts together. So PLEASE don't start hassling me for fic updates. The synapses just won't obey...I'm not after sympathy, its only the flu, albeit a particulrly nasty version, just a little bit of patience here folks...luna xx

I've been 'Joss'd' again... :)

...For those of you not familiar with the term it comes from the Buffy Board and basically it refers to a situation that someone writes in a fanfic and then a season or so later it actually appears in an episode.I’ve had it happen to me a couple of times whilst writing SG and related fanfic and just recently its happened again. Once as recently as Saturday!Exhibit AWhen discussing his ‘affair’ with Britney, Fred Durst commented on how she likes dirty talk.'What’s Going On’Words.’ Fred confessed, sitting back and stretching his legs out.‘Words?’ Darren repeated, ‘as in…’‘Yeah, dirty talk.’ …’Have you ever had a lover who you were fucking and didn’t say anything…’… ‘…and haven’t you ever wanted them to hear them describe what they were doing, how it felt while they were fucking you?’Exhibit BBrian Molko on Re:CoveredHost: I hear you’ve even caught a few of our shows’Brian: ‘Yeah I’ve just had cable put in.’‘Twelve Days’He really must look into getting cable installed, at least then he could subscribe to some decent porn channels...*buffs her nails triumphantly*Damn I’m good sometimes!!!*runs off smirking*

Just realised...

...why Dan's earring(s) disappeared...cos I go through the same pain myself...simple truth...earrings and cans don't mix!there you are my theory for the night *g*

Oi you, stop channelling my Muses...

*glares at Ellie*re: 'Eight Miles High - The epilogue'I read it, and I liked it, and now I think (*evil grin*) that you should write The Diva and The Bassist throwing a strop, or something upon discovering their SOs in bed together the next day. (*pokes you whilst giggling*) G'on, y'know ya wanna!!!okay, okay here 'tis... *gets the little sucker out of head from where its been gestating and gesticulating all evening*Disclaimed as always. Don't know/own etc. etc. Please see user profile for main disclaimer.‘Well well well, lookey what we have here.’ Darren’s voice dripped sarcasm like the condensation off of a bathroom wall. ‘You boys wouldn’t happen to be hungry now would you?’‘Huh?’ Daniel and Ben turned round from where they were half buried in the fridge of Daniel and Darren’s suite.Daniel was clad in nothing but a bedsheet wrapped clumsily around his lower half whilst Ben had managed to fare a little better and was wearing a pair of red silk boxers.Lee recognised them immediately. They were Ben’s ‘lucky’ red boxers. As in the pair he always wore when he thought he was going to get lucky that night which had obviously been his intention the night previous except that Lee had decided that a strung out, giggle fit prone boyfriend was not to his liking. Daniel on the other hand it appeared had not had any such qualms. Not if the fingernail marks down his back were any indicator anyway. And knowing Ben as he did, they were.‘So have you left any food for me?’ Darren demanded, hands squarely affixed to his hips where they seemed to have barely moved from in the last twelve hours. Amused Daniel wondered whether they had ever left or whether he had slept with them like that.‘Sure – plenty.’ Daniel said drawing back and falling from his crouching position, his modesty pooling around his ankles.Instinctively Ben went to redress the balance, earning him a reproachful glare from his lover.Darren peered in, moved a few bottles of still water to one side, drew back, fixed Daniel with yet another ‘teacher stare’ ‘Where are the strawberries?’‘What strawberries would they be Doze?’ Daniel enquired innocently.‘The ones we brought the other day for you know…’Daniel smirked. ‘No, which ones?’‘My you know…’ he dropped his voice. ‘My fetish strawberries. The ones I use to…’Ben burst out laughing. ‘Your FETISH strawberries?’‘Hey I don’t know what you’re laughing about Mr ‘lets cram the fridge of every room we stay in with ice cubes.’ Lee interjected.Now it was Daniel’s turn to laugh.‘The point being.’ Darren said testily. ‘Is that they have somehow miraculously disappeared.’‘Oh those strawberries.’ Daniel said with a wave of his hand.’ We ate them.’‘You ATE…you ate the fetish strawberries? You have got to be joking. You know that any strawberries we have are never for eating. Not under any circumstances.’‘But we were feeling a bit peckish.’ Daniel replied.Darren sighed. And processed the two pieces of information to come out of this little exchange.His creative, flamboyant mind was pissed that he had now been deprived of one of the most enjoyable activities he and Dan could indulge in.Likewise his rational mind argued that of course Daniel needed to eat and it was unfair of him to deprive a man of one of the most basic of human necessities however much it impinged on his own personal fun.Whilst the left and right side of Darren’s brain wrangled on with this train of philosophical thought his mouth went into gear independently. ‘That’s it. I am not letting you come anywhere near me for at least the next week.’ Darren said with what Daniel thought he purported to be a threat.‘Whatever.’ Daniel said, having successfully located half a tub of chocolate ice-cream and trying to wrack his brain to remember where the spoons lived.‘Oh sod you then.’ Darren gave up and made to leave.Lee deigned to give Ben a swift whup upside the head as a parting gift before he followed Darren out.‘Now what?’ Ben asked, eschewing the notion of a spoon completely and just diving into the ice-cream with his fingers.Daniel hauled himself to his feet, not caring as the bedsheet deserted him completely.Rummaging around in his travel bag he came up with a pair of rolled up socks.Ben frowned. What on earth was Dan up to now?He frown soon turned to a very wide grin indeed as Daniel fished around in the bundle and produced a little bag of the kind usually used to store sandwiches except that this one was folded over and over to keep safe the fragrant green buds that represented the ‘emergency’ stash he kept. Just in case by any remote, and as of yet unrealised, chance none of the roadies at each venue they visited could score the guys any.Ben shrugged, Really when you thought about it, when Darren was in full Diva mode and Lee was in whatever the Bassist-ese for such behaviour was, there wasn’t anything else you could do EXCEPT get stoned.As the door shut behind their children Darren cocked his head and looked at Lee ‘Wanna fuck?’Lee glanced back at the door, knowing that if nothing else Ben was at least relatively safe for the next few hours. ‘Might as well.’(*pokes you*) The morning after... g'on!!!Happy now?

Bowling...

...now can anyone explain to me WHY?What is the point of bowling?Who first thought 'Ah I know we'll take a heavy plastic ball and hurl it down a piece of polished floor, knock over some pins and then we'll do it all again...and again...and again.'I mean, come on...As you may have guessed I went bowling last night. And much as though I would have loved to have objected to actually playing - for 'fashion reasons' or any other reason - it was the one time when I couldn't get out of it.It was my baby sister's birthday which translate to the time of year when my family all descend on me and I play host to the event.She had decided to go bowling this year so I was in no postion to refuse.But PLEASE can someone explain WHY to me? It has got to be one of the most pointless, wastes of time I know. And jeez - why does everyone have to be so competitive. (Note: I do NOT appreciate being booed just because I still have two pins standing. Its not as if it makes any difference to the Earth's orbit.)Anyway...yes, sorry...rant over.Apart from that a good time was had by all (well apart from me yet again getting pointed jibes from one of my other sisters about my hair. - Its my hair and at my age I have earned the right to wear it however the damn I please)It was just weird. - Whenever I go out with any of my friends to a pub or bar or even just hang out watching a movie, we discuss music, writing, music, films, music, the state of the world, music and how stupid our politicans are...It was just a bit of a culture shock to then try and be part of a conversation that revolved around house prices, who has just had or is about to have a baby and the best kind of hoover to buy!For anyone who has seen QAF - and I suspect that is the majority of you - think back to when Vince/Michael went for a drink after work with his work colleagues...how it was a whole diferent world to him.That was kinda my thoughts last night.Sure my family try and talk to me but the minute I start on about music or an article I saw in the newspaper you can just see them glossing over...oh well...come tomorrow the status quo will have been rediscovered.

In view of the upcoming report by Dr Blix...

'...We the people of the United nations, determined to save succeeding generations from the scourge of war, which twice in our lifetime has brought untold sorrow to mankind, and to reaffirm faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth of the human person, in the equal rights of men and women and of nations large and small... 'Charter of the United Nations.'nuff said...

A little treat for anyone following 'Lessons in Love'

*giggles*now you all know what I'm like about doing my background research...well I went and took this little snap for you all...*giggles*http://www.geocities.com/stars_and_planets_taking_shape/griffths.jpgplus...http://www.gu.edu.au/and yes, they do do both an Accounting/Maths course and (obviously) Teaching Training... well the guy had to go *somewhere* IRL and it is the most local one...http://www.gu.edu.au/faculty/edu/...not that he finished his training...oh well the Educational Establishment's lose was undoubtedly our enjoyments' (and his bank balance's!) gain...*sigh* when will teachers start getting the pay and conditions that they deserve?sorry...soapbox subject close to my heart.

Stay 20

Please see my lj user profile for my disclaimer. 20. And then it happened.One of those moments that is forever crystallised in time.Daniel was just casually leaning against the counter of the video store where Darren now worked; the radio was on in the background but neither of them were paying it that much attention. It was just a local station pumping out general pop music. Chart stuff and the like.They were much more interested in trying to work out what their meagre budget would run to for dinner that night.Being two o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon the store was deserted. The lunchtime browsers had come and gone and the schools weren’t yet out.Daniel had popped in on his way to the supermarket, sick to the back teeth of facing the same four walls of their flat.Darren had taken advantage of the lull in business to put ‘Star Wars’ into the recorder and was half watching it, half listening to Daniel’s suggestions.At the moment pasta was way ahead of any other option in the eating stakes. Primarily because it was cheap and was something that they both liked. It had the added bonus of fortunately being within their current combined financial resources of $14.73.The DJ announced the next track, the title of which got lost amongst the noise of an intergalactic battle that was currently being waged between the Rebels and the Empire.What was not lost and what made both of them instantly forget any thoughts of dinner or Millennium Falcons was the intro to that track.They both recognised it the minute it started.And the reason for this was that it consisted of notes they had heard over and over in both waking and sleeping moments for the past year.Gone was the planetary battle, Luke and his cohorts, as Darren turned the radio up as loud as the antiquated set would allow.Jaws dropped quickly replaced by shock then disbelief and finally all out whoops of joy.They were playing *their* song.True to Woodruff’s suggestion ‘I Want You’ had been released as their first single and here it was – being played on the air and penetrating into thousands of people’s homes.Raucously they sung along, Darren gyrating his hips and pretending to wave a mic stand around.They knew it had been released, they were due to shoot the film clip to it one day the following week but to hear it unexpectedly like that...Laughing they clung to each other, Darren raining kisses all over Daniel’s face and the elation Daniel felt felt like nothing he had ever experienced before mortal or immortal.All those hours, weeks, months of hard work had paid off.Suddenly all the primping and preening Daniel had endured at tiresome photo shoots, the long hours giving the same answers to interviewer after interviewer seemed worth it.If anyone had walked passed at that moment they would wonder what on earth as going on but neither Daniel nor Darren cared.Daniel knew that if he had to describe that moment it would surely be pink – or better still magenta, a colour guaranteed to lift anyone out of the deepest fug and lighten their spirits.He caught Darren’s eye and they burst into a fresh round of laughter.Instead of a traditional instrumental break the studio techs had added some funky Latin wording to the track. Daniel suspected that they had made the words up. Latin wasn’t one of his primary languages but enough of inhabitants of the little green and blue planet had spoken it for enough of their past for Daniel to at least be familiar with the rudiments.Consequently neither he nor Darren had the faintest clue what was being said. It could have been subliminal messaging for all they knew. Well so long as it said ‘buy our album by the truckload’ Daniel guessed it was alright. He just hoped it wasn’t something to do with someone’s brother and a goat. There was such a thing as taking authentic Roman lifestyles too far.But watching Darren trying to sing along to the nonsense words was highly amusing.The pasta that they ate that night was celebratorily accompanied by, what else, but a shared bottle of Cherry Cola.Afterwards, still high from the excitement, they rang both their families who, squealed (Darren’s sister), made demands for money when they were rich and famous (Daniel’s eldest brother) and congratulated them (both sets of parents).Their talk that night once again turned to all the things they would do or purchase once the money started rolling in. but for now at least it was pasta again for dinner the following day.The conclusion to their evening was inevitable. After all what better way to celebrate then to come together in a way that went beyond a musical partnership?It was a true partnership of body and soul.Slowly Darren began to kiss his way down Daniel’s body, pausing to pay special attention to the flat of his stomach.The candles Darren had lit flickered their light across his features making him appear even more ethereal in their glow. Sighing Daniel stretched out under him.This was contentment.Daniel felt it coming and knew that this time it would be mind blowing. Their shared elation at the news heightening their love making and therefore Daniel’s reaction to it.Darren’s body arched over his, their hands entwined on the pillows either side of Daniel’s head.As Darren bent to lick the sweat from his throat the crashing of waves began and it took every ounce of strength he possessed to pull back, signalling to Darren that he should turn his attention some place other than Daniel’s face. Darren knew this and understood. It wasn’t that Daniel didn’t want Darren close as he climaxed rather that when it came it was so full of powerful auric energy that it would be too much for Darren to bear.Once it had been explained to him Darren had never questioned Daniel’s veto and usually allowed his lover to draw away, contenting himself, depending on the position they were in with either placing his hands on Daniel’s chest or thighs or letting Daniel sit back to come.Only this time Darren didn’t move, if anything his pressure on their joined hands increased.‘Darren…’ Daniel pleaded, knowing that it was almost upon him.Darren’s body continued moving, thrusting deliciously in and out. He rested his head against Daniel’s and whispered. ‘Let it come.’‘But...’‘Sssh.’ Soft hands stroked his cheeks. ‘I know...I want to see.’‘I can’t…It’ll hurt you.’‘I don’t care...Show me.’With that Daniel relaxed and succumbed.Images of his origin flooded his mind, gases and nebulaes.Colours of every hue, colours that the mortal mind had yet to find names for, colours that went beyond the limited rainbow spectrum of human knowledge.And it was so beautiful, so incredible Daniel knew that it was something that he would never be able to put into words.For the words just simply didn't exist.It was like being above the clouds, outside of all time and space.It was a little piece of immortality in a mortal world.His conscious being left his body and for one brief moment he soared once more.As the vision dissolved Daniel became aware of hot breath and damp tears on his face.Hugging Darren close he simply held him. Far too drained to be able to do anything to alleviate his suffering condition.‘That was incredible. ’ He said after a while.Daniel could only agree. ‘Are you in much pain?’A small nod against his sweaty chest.‘I’m so sorry.’Another small movement of Darren’s head back and forth. ‘Don’t be. I can’t describe how it felt to see that – to see what you see…’ a pause, ‘…to know that what I am doing to you makes you see that. It is me, I mean it is only when we make love that that occurs isn’t it?’ A note of insecurity and hesitation crept into his voice.‘Yes.’ Daniel stroked his head in reassurance. ‘Its only you who has the ability to make me fly like that without my wings.’‘Mmm...good.’ Darren gave a happy little sigh and snuggled down further into Daniel’s embrace.Daniel kissed the top of his head and there they lay.The dawn was just opening it’s eyes over their tiny apartment when Daniel awoke, sated and refreshed. Summoning up the power of the new day he insured that when Darren awoke his headache would be gone.

about time for another post...

...me thinks.This one goes against the grain of me constantly sending out happy little vibes across the water along the lines of 'as long as you are happy'It was inspired by hearing the song rather than thinking the thoughts/seeing yet another 'I don't really want to be here' interview.Its one of those songs that has munerous possible fics within it I think...Disclaimed as always. Disclaimer in user profile.‘…Standing in the spotlightI bought myself a grey guitarWhen everybody loves me, I will never be lonely…’‘Mr Jones’ Counting CrowsI had it all.The solo deal, the solo album. The *platinum* album.Top ten hits, saturation airplay.Sold out tour, fans screaming my name night after night.The placards, the letters, the marriage proposals.First class travel.Limos, awards shows, A.R.I.A.s by the wall full.International recognition.My pick of producers.A home in the States.Shelves full of Star Wars paraphernalia. A light saber.Lyric checked in the movie.The gang even brought me a guitar for my birthday.Everybody loves me.So why then, standing on this stage, standing in the spotlight, do I feel so lonely?

Something that plopped through my letterbox...

...and thought would be nice to share with you all.This was a little Christmas gift from a very good friend of mine. Bless her she had hand written the entire thing just for me *feels special*Anyway I e-mailed her and she hsa very kindly agreed that I can post it up here. So I have. *Exactly* as she wrote it, punctuation and all.Its a beautiful little story and soooo sweet.Usual disclaimers apply.Don't know, don't own, have no connection with and none of it is true. In the words of Mr Hayes when asked if he was going to audition for Esp III of SW - 'Duh!'Once upon a time there was a tale that had nothing to do with a ghost of Christmas past or a miracle on 34th Street; in fact there was next to no supernatural activity involved and yet what did happen was still enough to disconcert the cynics.Maybe what happened didn’t really have anything to do with Christmas perhaps it being the festive season when this occurs was just a coincidence but there is something in the air at Christmas that intoxicates us, don’t you think? A charged environment that buzzes and throbs and recharges our, most of the time, very depressed souls.We become a little happier and as a result a little more willing to believe in, dare I say it, miracles.A miracle – ‘a supernatural event’ hyperbolically, a marvel, a wonder. Now, I am that mentioning miracles is a direct contradiction to what I talked about earlier but people tend to label happy little chances with the word miracle. And this is really a tale about just that; a little bit of serendipity!Christmas is certainly not the best time to fall out of love, personally I feel he ideal conditions to fall out of love are mid-summer. However I digress.At Christmas the nights are longer, colder and involve far too many activities that are designed for two. The streets are so busy with nameless, pink faces trudging through the snow. Disgruntled fathers, giggling children staring with wide eyed awe at every toy shop window they pass and couples drifting through the bustle, protecting each other from Mr Frost’s crisp bite.Darren scoffed at all of them, he was in no mood to be among people and yet he had been blindly wandering the bitter winter streets for over an hour and his fingers and toes were numb, but that matched his mind so he didn’t really notice.His tear stained cheeks had long since frozen over making him look paler than ever. His eyes were raw and the air stung them. He was like a ghost; the ghost of Christmas ruined and those that did notice him pitied him but did not stop. He was an empty shell over which the warm spirit of Christmas had passed. As far as they were concerned no one should look like that on Christmas Eve.Darren didn’t even see them, he was replaying what caused him to be in this position over and over in his mind. Even when he stumbled through the orange glow of some random coffee house because his body was demanding to be listened to before the winter took over and Darren froze to death without even realising. *****Daniel was jamming in his favourite coffee house. It was his favourite because it was bohemian; full of starving artists who oddly enough have enough money for pens, paper, guitar strings and of course a bottomless cup of coffee.But best of all, to Daniel, absolutely no Christmas decorations.Outside it was Christmas, inside it never changed. And that was just the way he liked it.‘You know something,’ he began, looking at his permanently stoned friend Ben, ‘I wish one day I’ll get paid for doing what I love.’Ben stared blankly at the sandy haired musician; he hadn’t had a pupil in his eye for about seven months.‘What’s that?’ he asked innocently.With slight disbelief Daniel glanced pointedly at the old guitar that hung loosely on his long arms. A precious item.When the penny still hadn’t dropped Daniel offered with good humour. ‘playing my music you dumb stoner!!’After a moments silence both young men surrendered to laughter.‘Aw man, I hate to break up this party.’ Ben managed after the laughter had subsided. ‘But its Christmas Eve and I really should be with Alexis.’Daniel’s face dropped – Ben had obliviously reminded him why he hated Christmas – nine times out of ten he spent it alone.‘Oh well, go do what you gotta do man’ mumbled Daniel, returning his attention to he partner in crime who never left him, strumming its strings lovingly.Slinging on his coat and preparing to face the harsh night air he tousled Daniel’s already scruffy hair.‘Take it easy Jones…and Merry Christmas.’Daniel rolled his eyes cynically. ‘Yeah you too man’ he returned but really just referring to the take it easy part. *****The warmth from inside the coffee house hit Darren like a wall. He was so chilled that his skin looked like marble and his joints were stiff, like he was slowly becoming inanimate. It wasn’t until he registered the odd looks that he realised he had ran out without his coat and had been wandering around the streets wearing nothing but a black tee shirt and jeans; allowing jack Frost to have his cruel little way with him.Deciding not to care the broken, black haired man scanned the room of mis-matched arm chairs and couches for somewhere that was free – he usually avoided places like this, he found this type of forced bohemia quite pretentious but right now he really didn’t care.A tall spiky haired man smiled gently at him as he passed to leave.Darren barely recognised this small gesture of anonymous friendship.He also noticed for the first time that his head was aching; a dull throb like his brain was thawing or at least recovering from a severe beating, perhaps both.‘Black coffee please’ Darren’s voice was hoarse and he had to clear his throat several times in order to be audible. The small woman behind the counter seemed to have the coffee in front of him before he could even finish the sentence anyway. She flicked one of her long red dreadlocks away from her face and said surprisingly sweetly. ‘That’ll be a dollar thanks.’With a dawning of horror Darren realised he had left his wallet in his coat. ‘Shit’ he hissed under his breath as he padded the rear of his jeans in a desperate grasping at hope that it might be there – but no.‘Look.’ Began the penniless man although the woman already knew what was coming. Clocking the woman’s expression Darren attempted to jump to his next stage of grovelling but there was no need as a fresh dollar bill was dropped gently onto the counter.‘Here you go Zelda.’ Came the faceless husky voice.Feeling a tad bruised in the pride area Darren turned to firmly assure this presumptuous, albeit invitingly warmed voiced stranger, that he really wasn’t a charity case however found that there were words being formed in his mind yet dying on his lips.He was dazzled by the most intense green eyes he had ever seen.‘You’re new aren’t you?’Someone was making an attempt at communication – was it the owner of the emeralds?‘I…’ was all Darren could muster. ‘Fuck’ he thought ‘the cold must have severely numbed my brain. What the hell’s the matter with me?’‘Shit dude you’re frozen. Come on and sit down.’The voice was like honey. It warmed Darren instantly on its own. The before desired coffee was now obsolete. Then they were sitting down and this warm stranger was offering him his hand.It was like falling asleep at the helm of your body; things were happening and Darren wasn’t completely aware what. One thing he could see clearly however were those eyes.‘Whoa’ was the first thing Daniel had thought and it came unbidden. As did the moving from his chair towards the counter to rescue this creature, this stunningly beautiful creature. With a set of striking sapphires set in marbley skin.Being painfully shy usually forbade Daniel from walking up to a perfect stranger and introducing himself, least of all such an intimidatingly gorgeous one.However there was something agonisingly melancholy and vulnerable about this dark haired guy that told Daniel that he needed to be rescued even before the coffee incident.Daniel just knew that he was the only capable. Or he knew he wanted to be. *****‘So what brings you here on Christmas Eve?’ he asked.Regaining the grace of speech ‘I’m…I’m really not sure. The place really just found me.’This caused the handsome blond to smile; a smile that literally blew away all thoughts of Darren’s past and for a brief glowing moment he thought he saw his future. And it made him smile for the first time that night. *****It was almost midnight and for the first time in almost five years Daniel felt Christmas wasn’t so bad after all.He felt warm.He didn’t feel alone. *****And they may have lived happily ever after, although I doubt it as that almost never happens…but then you never know…it was Christmas…The End

A Little Treat...

...and here for all your enjoyment is the next part of 'Lessons in Love'On behalf of myself and Cheeky may I point you in the direction of my disclaimer which can be found in my user profile. Thank you :)Part 44To Darren's pleasant surprise, his day ran rather smoothly and, once he'd gotten over his initial bout of nervousness, he actually started to enjoy himself.By the end of the day, although slightly worn out, Darren was in an excited mood and on the way home from work, he stopped off at the store to buy a selection of celebratory treats that he hoped Daniel would be willing to share with him.Then he made his way home and, upon reaching their dorm room, did a quick check of his watch to see how much time he had left before Daniel would return. Seeing he had plenty of time, he moved around the room, giving it a thorough clean, something it was in dire need of, then he settled down at his desk to go over the plans for the next day, continuously looking at the clock, anxious for Daniel to return so he could tell him all about his day.Daniel spent the vast majority of his day clock watching, trying to figure out what Darren would be doing right about now. He had meant it when he had told him it would fine. The guy was born to teach, of this Daniel was convinced and he had certainly put enough time in over the preparation. Strolling back to the dorm after his last lecture he stopped of at the campus newsagents, primarily to purchase some more cigarettes but he also wanted to get Darren some small present, a kind of 'congratulations you've survived your first day' gift. He knew that he didn't have much money on him and surveyed the shop for something suitable. His gaze came to rest on the small basket of fruit on top of the counter and selecting a piece he brought it along with his new pack of ciggies. When he got back to their room he was a little surprised to see that Darren was already there, having previously warned Daniel that he would have to stay back most nights in order to meet with his in-school mentor and to get the class set up for the following day. 'Daniel!' Darren exclaimed excitedly, 'wait until I tell you what happened today, it was brilliant, the kids are wonderful and...' 'Whoa!' Daniel held up his hands and pleaded for him to slow down, going over and wrapping his arms around him tightly. 'What's that?' Darren asked spying Daniel's present that he still held loose in his hand. 'Oh I bought you something, a little 'congratulations that's the first day out of the way' present.' 'An orange?' Darren said in disbelief as Daniel opened his hand and placed it in his palm. 'Yep, well I thought of getting you an apple but considering what apples do to you I decided against it. I'm safe with an orange aren't I?' Darren couldn't help but laugh as he looked at the orange."Does that mean you don't want me tonight?" he teased but, before Daniel could hurriedly inform him that this was not the case, the look on his face telling Darren that it was exactly what Daniel planned to say, Darren pressed a finger to his lips."I was kidding, sexy" he said before snuggling back into Daniel's embrace."Okay, now, tell me about your day" Daniel said, relaxing into Darren's arms."It was fantastic. Those kids are so incredible. They're so smart. They seemed to know so much and understood everything I told them." Darren gushed, smiling as Daniel chuckled."See, didn't I tell you that you had nothing to worry about?" Daniel told him and he nodded."Yeah, I know. But from now on I will believe you" Darren replied, giving him a cheeky smile before breaking out of his embrace.'You should have more confidence in your abilities Doze, if anyone was born a teacher it is you. Now what do we say we splash out and walk down and get spring rolls and chips for dinner?'"Oooh, sounds nice. It'll be a nice change from cooking" Darren replied with a grin and, changing himself into a comfortable pair of worn jeans and an old shirt, he sat down on the bed to wait for Daniel to do his own things.Once Daniel was also ready to go, Darren grabbed his hand and dragged him out of their dorm room, not letting go of his hand even as they received a few raised eyebrows.When they walked outside, the sky was just dimming to the beginning of what looked to be a clear starlit night."Romantic..." Darren commented, moving closer to Daniel as other students grew scarce, smiling as Daniel's arm slid around his waist.'Ah a born dreamer as well as a born teacher.' Daniel said as they walked contentedly along the tarmaced path that led down to the campus village and the on-site Chinese takeaway joint. Being a week night the tiny shop was not too crowded and seeing how they didn't want anything that required ordering they were soon back out in the warm night air, each holding an open bag of chips with two spring rolls balanced precariously on top. Handholding was relegated in favour of munching as they took their time strolling back up towards the dorm. 'Wanna sit for a mo?' Daniel asked as they approached a wooden bench. 'Sure why not?' Darren replied, 'ouching' slightly as he burnt his tongue on a chip, fanning his hand in front of his mouth as if by doing so that action would somehow miraculously dissipate the pain."Now that brings back fond memories" Daniel teased as he watched Darren."Yeah, and I remember exactly what I wanted to do to fix it for you" Darren replied, giving Daniel a wink before searching for a slightly cooler chip."And just what was that?" Daniel asked, suddenly seeming very interested."I wanted to suck on your tongue...cool it down with my own. But, since I thought you were straight at that stage, well you got my coke instead" Darren grinned."Hmm...so...is your tongue still burning?" Knowing where Daniel was leading, although his tongue had stopped hurting moments earlier, Darren nodded his head, poking out said tongue for Daniel's inspection.Moments later Daniel leant in and drew Darren's tongue into his mouth, sucking on it gently."How does it feel now?" he asked when they finally parted."Mmm...good..." Darren answered before returning his attention to his chips, this time looking for the hottest one he could find.Daniel knew what Darren was up to and after two more so called hot chips he called a halt to it. Pleasant as it was to sit here and exchange tongue cuddles with him, he had lecture notes to go over and he knew that Darren must have stuff he needed to do before the morning. Offering Darren the last of his spring roll, Daniel bundled up his greasy wrapper and tossed it into a nearby bin, returning to haul Darren reluctantly to his feet. ‘Come on, let’s head back, it’s getting nippy.’ ‘Just have to find a way to keep you warm then won’t we?’ and Darren’s arm slipped round his waist pulling him close.They strolled slowly towards their dorm, just enjoying the fresh air, the night sky and each other's company and it was with great regret that they finally reached their room."Well, I suppose I should really get to work…" Darren sighed, eyeing his papers on his desk.When Daniel nodded his head, Darren let out another sigh and sat down at his desk, pouring over the plans and lessons until he had given himself a headache.'How you doing there?' Daniel asked, setting a cup of tea down in front of Darren, taking care not to put it on any of the myriad of papers that he had splayed out in front of him. 'Argh!' Darren moaned and let his head fall forward until it rested on the desk. 'That bad eh?' Daniel took his own drink and went and sat down on the edge of their bed. 'I'm never going to keep up with all these.' 'Yes you are, just remember all that your tutors have told you and it'll be ok. It's not as if you haven't done this before.' 'Yeah,' Darren lifted his head and ran a hand through his hair in exasperation, 'but never a whole class, by myself, all day every day.' 'You're going to have to get used to it come September.' Daniel said logically. 'I know I know but right now I don't even want to think about September, I just want to get through the next eight weeks.' 'Come here.' Daniel patted the bed beside him. 'Enough lesson plans for one night.'Gratefully Darren pushed back from his desk and went straight for Daniel's arms, snuggling into them as they wrapped around him."Why didn't I choose an easier occupation?" he whined, closing his eyes as Daniel nuzzled his throat."Because you chose the one you'd be perfect for" Daniel answered and Darren chuckled."I swear that one day you'll say the wrong thing..." "Not in this lifetime..." Daniel replied with a cheeky smile and Darren shook his head."Yeah...probably not...you're too perfect for that...""Oh come now, I wouldn't go that far..." Daniel said, blushing slightly."I would..." Darren whispered, not entirely sure if Daniel heard him or not.Daniel heard Darren's words that came out as little more than a faint breath of air across his skin. He smiled and pulled Darren closer, holding him so that his head was settled into the crook of his neck. 'Oh I nearly forgot?' 'Forgot what?' Daniel enquired as Darren wriggled out of his arms and made for the fridge. He had been enjoying their little snuggling session.Opening the fridge, he withdrew his earlier purchases and, grabbing two tumblers on his way back, he settled in Daniel's lap."Champers and chocolate?" Daniel said, raising an eyebrow."I wanted to celebrate my first day" Darren replied, suddenly feeling a little unsure."No complaints here. Although I can think of another enjoyable way to celebrate and it involves me drinking this champers from somewhere other than that glass you're holding" Daniel replied, a mischievous smile spreading across his face."Is that so? Well, I'm afraid that you're going to have to settle for a glass because it's a school night..." Darren said in a mock-stern voice.'Awwwwwwllllll.' Daniel complained. The thought of sipping champagne off of Darren's naked body had appealed to him immensely. 'So that's how it's going to be from now on is it? Rationed to the weekends?' 'You'd better believe it.' Darren replied, twisting away from Daniel so that he could pop the cork on the bottle. 'But however will I survive?' Daniel whined, laughing as the fizzy liquid overspilt and ran over Darren's hands. 'I guess I'll just have to go back to Ewan for my comforts then.' 'Don't you dare.' Darren poured some of the champagne into each tumbler and handed one to Daniel. 'Here's to your first day.' Daniel toasted and took a sip of the icy cold alcohol. Setting his glass down on the floor he then also took Darren's from him. 'Hey...' Darren began to protest but quickly shut up as Daniel took one of his hands in his and began to lick the stickiness that the split champagne had deposited there. Slowly drawing each finger into his mouth and swirling his tongue around over it until it was clean.Biting back a groan, Darren gave Daniel a heated look."That's not fair" he whined, trying to fight the pleasure that moved through him."What?" Daniel answered innocently. "All I was doing was cleaning up a mess. If you had of left it, it would have gotten even stickier and nobody likes stickiness""You're evil..."'Yeah and?' Daniel replied, smirking as he let Darren's fingers drop from his lips. 'And you must be made to pay.' Darren announced with a smirk of his own and before Daniel had a chance to register what was happening he was upon him, attacking all his weak points with his nimble fingers, tickling him, poking him. 'No, no...' Daniel tried desperately to fight back but with Darren practically sat on top of him it was futile. Eventually Daniel managed to hook his feet under the backs of Darren's legs and flip him so that he was now the one with the upper hand. 'You were saying my dear Mr Hayes?' Daniel asked, fingers poised."I was saying that I really have to be getting to bed soon so if you're not interested in finishing off the champagne and want to pass up these chocolates that I know it's absolutely impossible for you to do, that's fine with me" Darren replied with a sly look and, with one solid shove, Daniel was lying on the bed beside him."The choice is yours, Mr. Jones"Chuckling at Daniel's grumbling, Darren sat up and, after a quick search, located their glasses and returned Daniel's to his hand."Drink up baby...the sooner you do, the sooner you can go to sleep, dreaming about licking champagne from my body""Now there's an idea...but don't blame me if you have the sheets tomorrow morning" Daniel replied with a wink and Darren grinned."If that's what has to happen, then that's what has to happen" Darren said with a shrug.'Just don't say I didn't warn you. Now did you say something about chocolate?'Rolling his eyes, Darren searched around for the block of chocolate he'd managed to lose somewhere in the scuffle and upon brandishing it, had it snatched from his hand."Oi! Manners boy!" Darren warned, watching as Daniel tore through the paper and then through the foil."And leave some for me dammit!" he then had to quickly add as it looked like Daniel planned to eat the entire thing.'Not sure you deserve any.' Daniel mumbled through a mouthful of the sweet confectionary. 'After all, you have just informed me that you are going to deny me sex five out of seven days a week for the next term.' Darren's response was to pounce on Daniel and steal back some of the chocolate for himself. 'Urgh!' was Daniel's only comment when Darren drew back. 'I do wish you would stop doing that. Didn't your mother ever teach you that it was rude to steal other people's food especially once it has reached their mouth?'"Hmm...I must have missed that one..." Darren replied cheekily before sucking on the pilfered candy. "And I seriously can't understand what you're complaining about! I mean, depriving you of sex is also depriving me of it you know!"Daniel was silent. He knew Darren had a point and, after a few moments, decided that Darren had indeed earned some of the chocolate."But believe me, baby, I'm soooo going to make it up to you on the weekends. You're not going to know what hit you"'Is that a promise?' Daniel asked. 'Cos it had bloody better be or else my Ewan poster is going back up and I am not afraid to use it.' he threatened. 'Hmmmmm, now there *is* an idea.' Darren said, much to Daniel's surprise. 'What me putting the poster up?' 'No, watching you use it. Watching you full stop.' 'You mean watching me as I...' 'Oh yeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhhh.' Darren said, a dark glint in his eye.Darren couldn't help but grin at the expression on Daniel's face."What? You're always telling me to share more of my fantasies..." Darren stated and Daniel nodded slowly."You wouldn't want me to watch?"'Nooooo, yes, I mean yeah, after all I have seen you that afternoon we got back from the creek.’ Daniel peered at Darren intently. 'You would really like to watch me jerk off.' 'No,' Darren said quietly, his hands coming to rest on Daniel's chest. ''No?' Daniel was confused, what was Darren getting at now? 'But you've just said...' A finger to his lips silenced him. 'I don't want to watch you jerk off, I want to watch you bring yourself pleasure. Not some quick five minute job before breakfast but really deep down sated pleasure and I want to watch you achieve it by your own hand.'Silently Darren watched Daniel's face, trying to read his expression and waiting patiently for his final reaction."Imagine what it would be like, me watching you as you pleasure yourself...watching as you bring yourself to fulfilment..." Darren trailed off as Daniel's eyes darkened and he knew that, if he kept going, chances are his rule of no sex on school nights would go straight out the window."I would love to watch you Danny..."'You would?' Daniel asked incredulously. Of course it had been mind-blowing when Darren had done it for him, more than mind-blowing, it had been so erotic, to see the look on his face as he brought himself nearer and nearer. 'Uh-huh.' Darren's hands traced small circles over the fabric of the shirt that covered Daniel's chest. 'I don't know what to say, the thought that you would want to watch me. I'm flattered.' 'So you'll do it?' Darren asked in barely more than a whisper. 'Yes.' Daniel felt his groin begin to stir. The thought of somebody, Darren, watching him whilst he gave himself pleasure was an intense image indeed. 'Good.' Darren said smiling and raised his head for a kiss, which Daniel happily granted him. Slowly, bit-by-bit Darren had started to volunteer information and this pleased Daniel no end but one thing puzzled him. Refilling their tumblers with champagne he asked 'Just out of curiosity why?' 'Why what?' 'Why do you want to watch me?' 'Like I said I want to watch your face, see your expression.' 'But you can see that every time we make love.' 'This is different. I've never watched anyone pleasure themselves before. With Adam he would always attend to things like that alone, not that he often did, I mean whenever he got horny he always had me around whether I was in the mood or not. I did ask him once if he would do it for me and his reply came in the form of the back of his hand across my face. I guess the idea freaked him out.' 'Oh Darren.' Daniel reached out and taking his free hand in his he rubbed the fingers sympathetically. 'He really didn't deserve you, you know that?' 'I do now but at the time I thought I was in love. I would have done anything for him.' Daniel placed his glass back on the floor and pulled Darren to him, wrapping his arms tightly around his body. 'And now I will do anything for you my love. If you want to watch you shall.' He nuzzled his face in Darren's hair. 'Anything else you want, you only have to ask. I want to know if there is anything at all I can do to please you.' 'Well, I don't know.' Darren said looking up at Daniel with a mischievous grin. 'I mean, some things are sacrosanct.' 'Like what?' Daniel was intrigued. 'I don't know. Like how much chocolate sauce I like spread on my nipples.' 'You what?' Daniel chuckled. Now there was an idea that hadn't occurred to him. He had only tried something like that once before, whipped cream smeared all over his nether regions and yes, it had been very pleasurable. Darren nodded shyly. 'Yep. Weird huh?' 'Weird? No Doze, I don't think it's weird. Different maybe but not weird.' He paused. 'So did Adam ever do that to you?' A sly smile. 'Just the once, back in the early days. It was his idea of course but I found out that I actually quite liked it.' Daniel shook his head and playfully fingered Darren's right nipple. 'Chocolate sauce eh? I'll have to remember that one.' The beeping of Darren's mobile phone cut off any further revelations and sighing he went and dug it out from his backpack. 'Hi Mum.' Whilst Darren chatted away to his mother Daniel cleared up the chocolate wrapper and rinsed out their glasses, putting the half empty bottle of champagne back in the fridge.Happily Darren recounted his first day of teaching practice but not once did his eyes leave Daniel.It was good to hear from his mum but he was a little disappointed at her timing. He was enjoying the sharing moment.Sadly he knew the moment was over. He knew that as soon as he hung up the phone, it would be bedtime and as if to prove this, Daniel started getting ready for bed, ducking out of the dorm for the bathroom and when he returned, Darren was just hanging up."Sorry about that" he said as he put the phone back in his bag.In reply, Daniel shook his head then began to get undressed, grinning when he felt Darren's eyes on him.'Hey you were the one who instigated this rule not me just remember that.' 'Yeah yeah, nothing in the rules that say I can't look though.' Daniel considered this for a few moments. 'Nope I guess not.' and finishing removing his boxers he did a twirl, to a chorus of wolf whistles from Darren. 'Now if you have gotten your fill of my gorgeous body I suggest you make quick with your own clothes and join me. I take it snuggling is still on the menu.' 'Oh most definitely so.' Darren replied with a grin and headed of for the toilets leaving Daniel to get under the covers. As a special treat he decided to occupy Darren's half of the bed and warm it for him ready for his return. Not that the continuing heat meant that it really needed much warming. In fact it promised to be quite a muggy night.Quickly rushing to the bathroom, doing what he had to do, then rushing back to his room, Darren almost bowled over a fellow student."Hey! Where's the fire?" the guy yelled as Darren kept moving."You don't want to know!" he called back and then quickly let himself into the room, raising an eyebrow when he saw where Daniel was lying.Then, deciding better of commenting, he moved towards the bed and smiled as Daniel slid over."Thank you baby" he said, beginning to undress quickly but then having a bit of a play with it as Daniel watched him.Then, giggling as Daniel applauded him, he climbed under the covers and instantly attached himself to his lover.They lay silently for a while, Darren's fingers drawing patterns on Daniel's chest while Daniel's hands stroked up and down his back.Then, slowly their movements ceased as they fell asleep.

Memories fade...

...and thank goodness some do...Linda's comment brought back a flood of memories.with me it's music... a tune will play, and I'll think... Texas... or Keesler... or high school.I always used to link music to times and places. Indeed up until about eight years ago I always used to play some tracks over and over again. Make up complilation tapes with all my favourites on.The only downside I found to this (and I'm not saying that it is the same for everyone - I think I just over-indulged) is that when I now hear a track relating to that time I can't listen to it.A perfect example of this reared its ugly head a few days back. I received an invitation to a friend's wedding. Now this is where it starts to sound cliched and I guess in a way it is.When I was about 21 I fell for this guy. He was a mate first and then, as it all too often the case, he started putting out a whole host of mixed signals and I fell for it, hook, line and sinker. I've put it all behind me, moved on a long, long time ago but what bugged me at the time was when we had the inevitable 'talk' he made me feel like a stupid teenager and never accepted any blame for his part in it. Never was there any indication that he (being six years older) should have been clearer about things, should have taken responsibilty for the mis-understanding, should not have led me on, let me think there was more to the friendship. After all it all went on for well over a year.Anyway...long and irrelevant story short....and this is where the cliche *really* kicks in...he upped and offed to Africa to be a missionary (no I am *not* kidding you - he really did.) Now he's back and getting married. As far as he's concerned we are still friends...the lack of emails on my part for the past four years doesn't seem to have gotten the hint through to him.The point of all this I guess is to say that to this day I will walk out of a room if 'Drive' by The Cars or 'Africa' by Toto comes on the radio/TV.Weird and partly my own fault for making those damn tapes.The flip side is of course whenever I hear 'One More Time' by Daft Punk or the Liberty X track or 'Vogue' I get a nice warm fuzzy feeling deep inside ;)but I do avoid over playing tracks now.and yes, that little tale I have just recounted - and I don't tell that one often - is one of my bottles. Pushed right to the back. Over and done with and now safety out of the way.There you are...no fic, no stories tonight, just a little bit of soul bearing.

Not often I ...

Not often I update twice in one evening...but currently watching a programme about all the Peace marches that took place over the weekend.Here in London the guest of honour was Rev. Jesse Jackson. Now there's a guy of peace. He used to work alongside Dr King in the 60's and watching the pictures I'm sure I wasn't the only one who had a sense of flashback. The sheer numbers of people involved, in so many cities and countries around the World. They also spotlighted on a Gulf War Veteran. The guy was moved to tears by the day, and his presence there was driven by everything that he had seen and experienced 12 years ago.Yep a definite sense of deja vu here. All that was missing was Joan Baez ...(ask your parents!!!)As is so often the case in things like this there are arguments from all sides but will bombing Iraq really change the situation there? More innocent people will die and Saddam will just go to ground like he did last time. How can you punish a nation for the actions of their leader - especially when in their recent 'elections' there was only one name on the ballot paper? and yes I use the word 'election' and not election because the whole thing was a farce.I'm sure there will be people who disagree with me, who say that nuking Iraq is the only way to go but there is a real groundswell of opion against this and I only hope that our Prime Minister will listen to the voice of the common man and stop brown-nosing to Bush.Yes remove Saddam but surely there are enough covert forces around the world in varying countries for this to be achieved some other way?and by the way has anyone else noticed that whilst all this attention and focus is on Iraq that North Korea are quietly building up their nuclear weapons and pointing them at their neighbours...?Am I naieve in my viewpoint? Oh I expect so but hey I am open to discussion. Its not as if this is something that is going to go away.

Not often I ...

Not often I update twice in one evening...but currently watching a programme about all the Peace marches that took place over the weekend.Here in London the guest of honour was Rev. Jesse Jackson. Now there's a guy of peace. He used to work alongside Dr King in the 60's and watching the pictures I'm sure I wasn't the only one who had a sense of flashback. The sheer numbers of people involved, in so many cities and countries around the World. They also spotlighted on a Gulf War Veteran. The guy was moved to tears by the day, and his presence there was driven by everything that he had seen and experienced 12 years ago.Yep a definite sense of deja vu here. All that was missing was Joan Baez ...(ask your parents!!!)As is so often the case in things like this there are arguments from all sides but will bombing Iraq really change the situation there? More innocent people will die and Saddam will just go to ground like he did last time. How can you punish a nation for the actions of their leader - especially when in their recent 'elections' there was only one name on the ballot paper? and yes I use the word 'election' and not election because the whole thing was a farce.I'm sure there will be people who disagree with me, who say that nuking Iraq is the only way to go but there is a real groundswell of opion against this and I only hope that our Prime Minister will listen to the voice of the common man and stop brown-nosing to Bush.Yes remove Saddam but surely there are enough covert forces around the world in varying countries for this to be achieved some other way?and by the way has anyone else noticed that whilst all this attention and focus is on Iraq that North Korea are quietly building up their nuclear weapons and pointing them at their neighbours...?Am I naieve in my viewpoint? Oh I expect so but hey I am open to discussion. Its not as if this is something that is going to go away.

bottled emotions?

Got to thinking today about how I see certain events in my life like a row of small, antique, coloured glass bottles. You know the type, the kind you expect to see in some dusty old shop covered with cobwebs and dust. How each bottle has its own shape, feel and when you life the stopper smell.One is a bright yellow and smells of freshly cut summer grass. One is a deep purple, the light plays through it and when you open it it smells of lavender and dark, wild nights.I have an orange one which is the memory of my time in my first flat. It smells of patchouli and musk.I started to write a poem about all these musings but forgot to life it onto a disc before I left work...I'll post it up tomorrow if I remember to retrieve it.But I was wondering whether anyone else has little bottles liek this, sitting on the shelves of their souls. Some that you open frequently and remember the good times and others that will forver remain sealed - the time they have within them one that you would rather never recollect and is better if it remains locked away. A time that you have moved on from and have no wish to revisit. (I have some of them hidden away at the back as well. Not times that I am ashamed of but times I have lived through - like serious family illness, times of sorrow and heartache - times that I am glad have passed.)Anyway just my thoughts...interested to here what others think though.On a lighter note...found this on Lamia's site and liked it. Yep its yet *another* test and whilst I usually just roll my eyes I liked this one.I think its probably about 80% true but with only three questions to go on its probably a bit limiting...You are a descriptive writer. An avid reader ofRobert Frost, perhaps, you LOVE to use flowerywords and use the paper and pen as your canvasand paintbrush. You prefer to paint a mentalimage rather than simply toy around withpeople's minds. A very inspired person, youlove to be in nature and usually are a veryoutdoorsy type of person. A writer with anatural green thumb, perhaps? What's YOUR Writing Style? brought to you by Quizilla

thought you might find this interesting...

A little bit more on TGOED that I've just come across...'...As the angels fall they are transformed from human forms to insects, scorpions, and birds in midair. Those that reach the earth become various beasts (animals), and among the lowest are the toads and other reptilian forms falling into pools of water. Some become demons or devils. One becomes Lucifer himself, represented as an owl peering out of a dark hole in a thatched roofed cave dwelling. Thus, Bosch saw the beasts and birds of the earth as creatures of the evil, emissaries of Satan. ...'

been shopping again...*vwg*

more clothes for the bois...http://www.fetishtees.com/logolist.htmlpersonal faves...*ahem*http://www.fetishtees.com/tspages/532.htmlhttp://www.fetishtees.com/tspages/548.htmlNow who do we know who likes wearing t-shirts with wording on them I wonder...*whistles*Sorry, I know I am meant to be writing but sometimes surfing is just so much more fun.It *did* start off as a research browse. Quite how I ended up looking at fetish clothing I have absolutely no idea...

needles and fruit.

Went to the osteopath tonight.Now usually the idea of a fully grown man pressing all his weight on top of your body equates with one thing only but in this instance it meant that he was rocking back and forth on top of me trying to get one of my lumber verterae to click back into place.I knew I would have to have some work done as I've put my poor back through a lot over the past few months but the muscle surrounding the joint was so tense that he couldn't get it to budge and I had to have acupuncture in order to loosen it up. More ouch! but considering that over the years I have *volunterily* had various parts of my antomony pierced I guess acupuncture should be a walk in the park by comparision.Anyway the upshot is that what should have been a routine six-monthly check up became a major session and I've got to go back next week so that he can actually do the work he intended to do today.Oh well it keeps me functioning in an upright position so it is all worth it in the end.Now on to the topic of the day. Pomegrantes. In particular Pomegrantes as represented in the work of Bosch.For those of you who never never seen the whole TGOED picture go here...http://athena.english.vt.edu/~baugh/bosch/D-C-Fr-Zoom.htmThis is the centre panel of the three and the one that features said fruit down in the bottom left hand corner. If you look *really* closely you can see the pearls.Other than finding out a while back that the pearls tumbling out of it represent the souls of fallen angels (not an unreasonable assumption given that this part of the tripych shows Creation given over to the 'sins of the flesh' AFTER the fall of Adam and Eve) I've also done some more digging around.This of course links back to references to pomegrantes in biblical scriptures. The fruit is mentioned many times. (Its classed as a 'tropical' fruit and so would have been an actual native fruit in Palestine)The Oxford English Dictionary refers to it as 'many seeded apple' so it might even have been a pomegrante that Eve ate from as I'm not sure that apples are indiginous to that region - although it WAS the graden of Eden containing EVERY seed bearing fruit. But maybe a pomegrante was what the writers of the Scriptures saw when they envisioned an apple.Reliefs of it are mentioned as adorning the temple in Jeremiah and the priests robes in Exodus. So it was evidently held in great esteem and with great import.Hence of course its appearance in Bosch's imagery given how he was so fascinated, can I say obsessed, with religious icons and symbolism.I also looked for any interpretations of pomegrantes in dreams but sadly came up empty handed.As for pearls, again they have Biblical references...'pearls before swine' etc that is do not throw that which is holy before swines.Therefore if pearls are holy then to aline them with fallen, but still holy, angels would also fit.Lastly to tie it all back in with SG. I'm pretty certain that this then leads to ToP - re-listen to the words carefully...'we twist and turn where angels burn...' Angels burning in a hell we call Earth? 'fallen soliders = fallen angels?????Maybe I'm trying to read too much into it but one of them at least - and my money is on it being Darren simply because of his interest in the supernatural, imagery, meaning and, I hate to say it cos its sounds snobby, but the fact that he went onto higher education and might well, as I suggested in 'Stay 19', been exposed to his work via his Uni studies - is familiar with the painting and the ideas surrounding it.Or maybe someone just mentioned to them in passing one day *shrugs*But it obviously meant enough to them/caught their imaginations enough to merit a picture on the inside of their debut album. And for an adapted version of the title of painting to become the name of their debut tour.By the way if anyone has a copy of the black and white covered album and can confirm what exactly is depicted in the inside shot I'd be very interested to know. I gave my copy to my sister when I 'upgraded' to TFOED CD.So...seeing connections that just aren't there? maybe. but I am always intrigued to make connection and learn from whence authors/singers/playwrights get their ideas and inspiration from.ok...that's enough for one day.Class dimissed.But my research goes on...

gahhhhhh...

okay...*this* one for the DivaIgnore the ghastly guy modelling it and just use those over-active imaginatiosn that I know you all have - and don't try to deny it either, this is me you are talking to remember... ;)http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2910683723&category=1467alternatively I could just get some liquid latex paint and 'clothe' him myself...but of course that would entail him shaving...gahhhhhhh, more naughty images...*vwg*right, I think I should go now before this gets out of hand or maybe it already has...

giggles...

yeah bored...muses have decided to take an extended tea break so am browsing ebay...found this and not only is it an *ahem* interesting item but I can't work out who it would look best on...the wording is *DEFINATELY* Brian but the colour and style is more Daniel or Stef...neither of whom really suit the wording...maybe Daniel incredibly tongue in cheek and feeling particularly ballsy...as for the diva himself...nah...not his colour...and Beanie...somehow its just not him...http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2810115524&category=313*goes off to hunt down her muses and steal their teapot*

giggles...

yeah bored...muses have decided to take an extended tea break so am browsing ebay...found this and not only is it an *ahem* interesting item but I can't work out who it would look best on...the wording is *DEFINATELY* Brian but the colour and style is more Daniel or Stef...neither of whom really suit the wording...maybe Daniel incredibly tongue in cheek and feeling particularly ballsy...as for the diva himself...nah...not his colour...and Beanie...somehow its just not him...http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2810115524&category=313*goes off to hunt down her muses and steal their teapot*

teehee...

...just watching a investigation into the coffee market and guess who comes out as the villans...that's right everybody's favourite...they have just called 'Starbucks' the McDonalds of the cofee world and this is something I have been saying for *years*I have to be absolutely dying of thirst before I will set foot in one of them and then I have to be dragged kicking and screaming.(Not that I actually drink coffee...with me its hot chocolate)So when, I wonder, will their biggest fan wake up and smell, well smell the coffee!!!Starbucks = nasty, greedy, money grabbing, world dominating business...boo hiss all round...there are so many individual, one off coffee shops around why go into something as sterile and bland as a Starbucks...there you go - rant of the day.

oh dear, barely a week in and I'm running out of things to put in the title box!

still feeling good although my tummy is playing up but I know what has caused it today.I overran in a meeting and ducked out to get something to eat.got a pasty from a bake shop. asked for mushroom, thought I got mushroom but got halfway through eating it and realised it was in fact CHICKEN and mushroom...Urghhh! Stopped eating it but the damage was already done.just in case anyone is wondering what happens when you - albeit inadvertently - eat meat after being veggie for nearly fourteen years, this is it...your body gets out of the habit of digesting meat and can't do it. The result is kinda not nice... - I'll leave you to fill in the blanks... *g*to swing from the sublime to the ridiculous, make that downright outrageous. was surfing ebay earlier and happened to browse onto 'tickets' Whoa! I brought a ticket for a now sold out gig about two weeks ago, the minute I knew they were on sale there I was credit card and mouse in hand.now I am seeing them being offered for sale at up tp DOUBLE the face value. Fine I suppose if you really *really* want to go and didn't make it through in time but what guarentee do you have that they aren't forgeries?some people really will capitalise on anything.I suppose it was only a matter of time before the touts went the way of the rest of us and hopped online. *sighs*Third subject change...Here is the next part (19) of 'Stay'...see what you think...Disclaimed as ever. Disclaimer in my user profile.Its all fiction people.Nineteen Burning… Christmas followed hotly on the tail on their trip back to Brisbane - quite literally. The temperature shot up to its usual summer high and Darren, never one for the heat, spent the majority of the two days holiday bemoaning the lack of air-conditioning in their tiny flat and the lack of breeze in the air outside.'Can't you magic up some rain or something?' he asked, flopping onto the couch and raising a dramatic hand to try and fan his face.'It doesn't work like that and you know it.' Daniel laughed.'Well it should.' Darren moved around listlessly trying to find a position that would at least afford him some semblance of comfort. 'Can't you just 'phone home' and get whoever is in control of the weather to send a little cloud to Sydney. Just a teeny weeny fluffy little white one…pleeeeeeease.' He turned and smiled pleadingly at Daniel who was no longer laughing but rather looking out of the window sadly.'I don't have any contact with anyone…' he gazed upwards, '…you know.''None at all.''Nope. It was one of the conditions of me being here. If I wanted to live amongst mortals then as far as possible I was to be a mortal.''Apart form the mind manipulation and healing powers then.'Daniel shrugged. 'Somethings are still me even though I now have a corporeal body.''But no… 'phone home'…?''No, Doze, no 'phone home'Darren appeared to consider this for a while whilst Daniel just continued to stare out of the window at the, not surprisingly given the date, pretty much deserted streets below.He hadn't given much thought to it apart from during the odd moment of homesickness and longing, when he felt too burdened by the restrictions of flesh and bone and longed for the freedom that his spiritual form gave him.It wasn't as if he ever wished to be back there, there was so much here to hold his attention and fascinate him and he had Darren to fill the hole in his soul where love and devotion resided. Why would he want to be there when he could be here…stuck in a stuffy, over hot flat with a whining, childish man. Why indeed?Gradually his smile returned.Darren peeled himself off of the sofa and came to stand beside him.'That makes you a pearl.' He proclaimed out of nowhere.Daniel quirked his head at him, knowing there had to be more behind that comment then that one statement but temporarily failing to see it.'A pearl?''Something we did at uni…hang on.'He disappeared into the bedroom and Daniel could see him knelt on the floor rummaging about under the bed, no doubt for one of the many boxes that lived there. Boxes which were nearly all full of Darren's possessions and had never quite made it as far as being unpacked. Mainly because of the lack of space in their residence and because of the sheer volume of stuff that he had deemed 'essential' when they moved down here.When he emerged, cursing as he hit his head on the underside of the frame, he had in his hand a book which he then brought through and, flicking over a couple of pages, found what he was looking for.'See…?'Daniel took the book from him and sat down crossed legged on the floor. What Darren was showing him was a triptych painting by a 15th Century Dutch Surrealist painter well known for his obsession with creatures of fantasy, half human, half animal or demon.Sitting behind him and leaning his chin on his shoulder Darren pointed to the bottom left corner of the main panel. Being a reprint in a book meant that the definition wasn't brilliant and Daniel had to really look and still he didn't see what Darren was getting at.'See the pomegranate there?''Yes.' Daniel saw a pinkish sphere but wouldn't have known that it was meant to be a fruit if he hadn't been told.'And see what is spilling out of it?'Daniel smiled. Darren was obviously very excited about whatever it was he was trying to explain.'Seeds?' he hazarded.Darren's hands left the book and wound themselves around Daniel's body. 'No. They are pearls.''Pearls?' Daniel let the book drop into his lap and leant back into the embrace. 'Enlighten me Oh Great One.'Darren dropped a light kiss on the side of Daniel's neck.'Pearls represent the fallen souls of angels who remain trapped within the mud of the material world. Imprisoned by their bodies and their flesh, they somehow manage to remain spiritually alive. The religion that Bosch was interested in referred to those souls as The Living Ones.''And that's how you see me?''Uh-huh.''Ah. Well I'm hardly a Fallen One. I left voluntarily not because I got kicked out.''But you did fall didn't you?'Daniel remembered his unceremonious entry into this world and nodded. 'Flat on my arse.'Darren giggled. 'Ouch!''That's one way of putting it.''So do angels get kicked out then?'As always when Darren asked questions of this nature Daniel hesitated. He wanted to be open and honest with him but there were some things that just went beyond the grasp of even the most open of human minds.Finally he settled on replying. 'It has been known. After all the being you know as Lucifer was an angel before he grew too…power hungry…and had to be banished.'Darren rubbed his nose in Daniel's hair. 'Hard to think of you and him being cut from the same cloth so to speak.''Well I'm only a junior angel, a member of the order of Shemhamphorae. He was one of the Archangels, the highest order you can have. Right up there with Gabe and Mike.'Darren chortled and Daniel felt it as hot breath on his skin. 'Sorry.''It caused great sadness especially when others decided to follow him. The terror he has reeked since…' Daniel paused. Just the memory alone of all the suffering and horror one fallen angel had managed to create through the minds and actions of men was enough to bring an unbidden tear to his eye. Scenes of helpless children being wrenched from their parents, columns of smoke rising above the silver birched Tatra Mountains, a young girl running down a dirt track the skin on her back falling away in burning strips…A fingertip brushed gently over his cheek, collecting the shed tear. His body was hugged tightly.'Sssh now, can't have tears from my pearl.'Daniel took the hands that were around him and held them in his own. 'I'm ok. Its just sometimes the sorrow gets too overwhelming to comprehend - even for an angel.''But its Christmas, a time for rejoicing, goodwill to all men an' all that.'Daniel shook his head. 'That was the theory. Christmas was meant to sort everything out, to put things back the way they had been but the evil in men's hearts was just too deeply rooted. It didn't change a thing except to get a good man killed.'From the silence that descended Daniel knew he had gone too far. Darren was right. Christmas was a time for rejoicing, for happiness.'Come.' He stood up.'Wha???''Let's go see if an ice-cream won't cool you down.'

feeling a bit better...

thanks for all your well wishes yesterday. I feel a bit better today. managed to go all day without throwing up which was nice. now started on a process of elimination to find out what is causing all this hassle.anyway, enough of my whinging.the tidy up continues apace and here is another little offering from under the depths of the cobwebs in my virtual attic.its angst angst angst all the way in this one. in fact it requires a death warning.(shows how old it is as I haven't killed any of my characters off for what seems like agessss...am I losing my touch I wonder?)it was originally written for a friend and inspired after hearing the song by Loretta McKinnett.As always my disclaimer applies. Please check my user profile if you are unsure what it is.Dante's Prayer 'Cast your eyes on the ocean,cast your soul to the sea,when dark nights seems endless,please remember me.' This isn't how it was meant to end. Me standing on a cliff at midnight, the swollen full moon hanging low and clear in the sky. A small plastic urn clutched tightly to my chest.You always knew that I would do anything for you, I guess that's why you choose me to carry out your final wishes.I never even knew you were ill. None of us did. You kept it hidden so well. Dark glasses in interviews, make up on stage.It wasn't until you collapsed on the set of a video shoot that there was any indication that something was wrong and by then it was too late.If I live to be a hundred I shall never forget that flight out to see you, the longest twelve hours of my life. The loneliest too.All the time just praying that I would make it in time.And I did…just.I made in time to look for one last time into your eyes, so ravaged by your illness yet still burning bright when they alighted on me.No words were needed. You were unable to speak anyway. But since when have we needed words to convey what we are thinking, what we wanted to say?I didn't need words to show how much I was grieving for you. My silence and my tears showed that more than adequately. The same tears that now come silent and unbidden as I gaze out the inky black of the night, hear the crashing of the waves far below. The waves of the ocean that you loved so much.Never one for the sun but give you a full moon and a myriad of stars and you would wax lyrical until the sunrise stole them away from you.'I want to see the ocean one last time.' You managed to scrawl on the notepad you used for communicating. Your mother sighed, knowing that it was impossible but I knew what you meant and simply nodded.Others were quick to point out the injustice of it being your voicebox that was so affected the worse but to me the injustice was that you were being taken from us at all. I would have gladly given you my vocal chords if it meant that you would have been here beside me tonight. I would have happily lived the rest of my days in silence if it would have meant that I was able to spend the rest of my days with you.I'm done with regrets, the 'what ifs' and the 'maybes.' The 'if-only-I-had-told-you-sooners' you knew, at the end you knew and that was all that mattered.My tears aren't tears of sorrow, they are tears of joy. Joy that I can perform this one last act of friendship for you, of love. Not a love that anyone could define and put in a box. No, what we had, have, the bond that binds us goes beyond definitions, deeper.Sighing I remove the lid of the urn, reach inside, let the contents run through my fingers. Morbid you say? Nah, this is your hair, your eyes, your skin, your body but not you. Not your soul that's somewhere else now, somewhere happy, somewhere peaceful, somewhere where it is at rest and it is also here inside of me, in my heart, in my every waking thought. It always has been and always will be.Taking a handful I draw my arm back and fling the ashes as far out to sea as I can manage. The night breeze picking them up and carrying them along with it. Out over the cliff, out over the sea.I repeat the process several times, each time watching as you are carried this way and that, becoming part of the atmosphere, the air, the night.'I'll always be here.' You wrote, pointing to my heart and I knew that if you could speak you would be doing your lamest E.T. impression. 'and I here,' I said touching your own frail body, placing my hand on your chest, feeling your weak heartbeat through the thin material of your 'Star Wars' PJs. You just smiled. 'always.'Then you gave a small sigh, inaudible but felt, and an alarm sounded on one of the many monitors they had you hooked up to.I would have looked after you, cared for you if only you had told me, let me, but in the end all I could do was bend over, place a gentle kiss on your forehead and shake my head at the nurses as they came rushing in. 'He's DNR.'Smiling I turn the now empty urn upside down, half wishing that I had kept just a trace of you back but why would I need to do that?I only have to look up at the moon, cast my eyes upon the ocean and there you'll be.There'll you always be and one day I'll be there too with you and we can pick up where we left off, brothers, friends and who knows maybe even lovers.

Its been a rough week...

and an even rougher weekend...guess the stream of consciousness that follows is just me needing to vent a little...(after all this journal is as much for my benefit as anyone elses...) so welcome to my world...You never notice your body shutting down. It just happens gradually.One day you find an angry red rash covering your neck and shoulders - you put it down to a change in washing powder.After a week or two it cleasrs up then the palms of your hands become really dry and start peeling - new liquid soap in the washroom at work?The constant throwing up? - food poisioning.Headaches and dizziness? - too long in front of a VDU.Everything can be explained, everything has a rational reason.but what is really happening is bit by bit your body is protesting, refusing to go on.Always feeling exhausted, every day a struggle just to rise from your bed and crawl into work. No energy, no concentration. Your back starts to ache. Its an old injury playing up, telling you its time to go to the osteopath again but the osteopath is expensive so you put it off for as long as possible. Until one day you can barely stand up - until you are having to lay in bed each night with a hot water bottle on your back, whincing each time you change position, trying desparately to find one that at least makes you semi-comfortable.Its not all in your mind.Its all in your body.A routine establishes itself...you eat and then an hour later you throw up. You feel better. Your stomach is empty therefore no more quessiness. But after a while the lack of digested nourishment means that you feel hungry and you're feeling better anyway so you eat.You learn to eat bland food that doesn't burn too much on the way back up. You time your meals so that you will be within reach of a bathroom or at least a grass verge in an hours time.For the time between throwing up and giving in to that desparate gnaw that directs you towards the kitchen, you feel fine, you feel good. You can almost function for what passes for a normal human being.The windows are there and you learn to use them. Eat, feel crap, throw up, function, eat.Its a viscious circle and it becomes your life.Sorry...and ignore all this if you want but I am just beginning to feel fed up with it all. Actually I've gone beyond fed up and have now moved into the 'coping' zone...I guess if it continues next week as well then I should go to the doctor but the last thing I want is to be signed off sick...I have three major projects going live in the next month.Like I said...desert island anyone...preferrably one with room service! *g**screams* all I want is to feel well...is that too much to ask?I would take painkillers but I can't seem to keep them down :

*dusts off the cobwebs*

Its amazing what you can find when clearing out your files...This little beauty was written when a friend sent me the link to an article on ebay.Seeing how ebay only keeps links active for 90 days I went looking to see if I could find something similar...and I did!http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2909612982&category=324We both wrote stories and didn't show them to each other until we had both finished.Obviously the picture will give you a pretty good idea as to the content of the piece.Yes its D&D BDSM - so consider yourself warned...I guess even in a livejournal its prudent to issue a disclaimer so here goes...Its FICTION people and if by some 'so remote it might as well be the South Pole' chance this is read by either of the subjects that the CHARACTERS are based on then drop me a comment and let me know what you think! (It'll go - you only have to say!)The house was quiet as Darren pushed the front door open and stepped in.No radio or television was on, no sounds of a guitar or piano being played and yet he knew Daniel was at home as he had spoken to him on the phone only twenty minutes beforehand.Opening the door to the study he found the reason for the silence.Daniel was so engrossed in what he was doing that he didn’t hear Darren’s key turn in the lock, didn’t hear his soft footsteps approaching, knew nothing of his presence until a hand was placed on his shoulder and a familiar voice enquired.‘What you looking at?’Guilty Daniel shut flat the lid of his laptop. ‘Er nothing.’ ‘Come on let me see.’ Gently Darren prised his fingers away from the plastic and opened up the screen again.‘I came across it by accident. I was on another site and followed a link…and then another…’ Daniel stammered, horrified that he had been caught.‘Hmmm.’ Darren said as he saw what Daniel had been viewing. ‘But you like it no?’‘Purely for decorative purposes.’ Daniel replied, blushing a little.‘And that is all?’ Darren enquired swivelling round the chair Daniel was sitting in and running a hand along his thigh. ‘It’s just that the vase on the window-sill is decorative and I have never seen you with one of these…’ his hand rested over the slight bulge at Daniel’s crotch, ‘when you have looked at the vase before, or this sweet dish, that too has never had quite *this* effect on you either.’Slowly he began to rub at Daniel’s erection, Daniel unable to help the tiny sigh that escaped his lips.‘Or maybe,’ Darren whispered, his lips close to Daniel’s ear, ‘you are looking at it and imagining what it would feel like here…’ and with his free hand he trailed his fingers lightly down Daniel’s back, ‘or maybe here,’ his fingers loitered at the Daniel’s waist. ‘hmmm, is that what you were thinking?’‘Darren…I…’‘Ssssh.’ A finger to his dry lips. Kneeling down Darren nuzzled his face against the soft fabric of Daniel’s jeans, feeling how he moved under him, how his body shifted so that his erection was up against Darren’s face.‘Order it baby.’ Darren said as his fingers started to slowly undo the zipper.‘Oh no, I couldn’t.’‘Yes you can. If it gets you this excited just looking at a picture I for one would LOVE to see what would happen if you actually brought it.’ He glanced up, looked at the screen again. ‘And it has such a lovely strong handle, just right for…’‘Aaah Darren, please don’t even say it or I fear I will…’‘Oh yes Dan,’ Darren fingers slid inside the opened flies of Daniel’s trousers, started to caress him through the cotton of his boxers, felt the dampness that was already seeping through the material. ‘Order it. Order it and then let me use it as I know you want me to. Let me use it to drive you wild.’ Two days later…‘Darren honey it’s 7am.’‘Yes but I want to see if the postman has delivered our parcel yet.’Wearily Daniel tried to explain for the one hundredth time that it was too soon for their purchase to arrive and besides when it did come the postman would have to ring the bell so they would know when it was here.Finding out that no, it had not mysteriously been delivered and squeezed through their letterbox overnight Darren came back to bed and snuggled back down into Daniel’s embrace.‘What do you think it will feel like?’ he asked, his normally blue eyes shining dark with anticipation.‘I think it will all depend on how it is used. Maybe it will hurt at first and then I think it will be good,’ he shivered slightly, ‘*very* good.’‘I will make it good for you Danny,’ Darren squeezed him tightly. ‘I will make it *very* good I promise.’ One week later…‘Ding dong’‘I’ll go.’ Darren jumped up and nearly fell back on the carpet as he tripped over a pair of trainers that he had left lying there.On the other side of the front door was the postman and he was holding a flat box in his arms.Darren took it from him and put it on the hall table. His hands were shaking so much that he could barely sign his name on the delivery sheet.Thanking the postman he closed the door and carried the precious parcel into the kitchen where Daniel was finishing the drying up. Laid it carefully down on the table.‘It’s come.’ He whispered.‘Yes it has.’And for a few moments they both just stood there staring at it.It didn’t look like anything out of the ordinary – just a plain brown box with a sticky label stating their address on it. Certainly nothing to give away its contents.‘Ah maybe it isn’t what we think it is.’ Daniel said, ‘Maybe it is the record company have decided to send you two hundred copies of your album or maybe it is that replacement part for the mixing desk I ordered the other day.’But they both knew that such things were unlikely to be delivered to them at home.‘Only one way to find out.’ Darren took a pair of scissors out of their drawer and opening them out ran a blade across the top, breaking the packaging tape.Pushing back the flaps he brushed aside the funny foam shapes that had been used to keep it safe in transit and held his breath as he lifted out their purchase, feeling the weight of it in his hands, bringing it up to his nose and inhaling the intoxicating scent of seasoned leather.‘Oh Danny.’ He breathed, his heart racing.‘It’s beautiful.’ Daniel said, resting his chin on Darren’s shoulder and curling two fingers in one of the dozen or so leather soft straps that dangled down from the whip’s handle.‘It looks like something from the Navy years ago, teehee, rum, sodomy and the lash.’ Darren joked.‘Well I’ll pass on the rum if you don’t mind.’ Daniel kissed the side of his neck‘Maybe I should make you dress up like a pirate.’ Darren giggled as Daniel took it from his hands.‘No, no dressing up.’ Daniel said firmly, shuddering at the memory of a few years back when Darren had persuaded him to dress up as Hans Solo for a New Year’s party. ‘No this,’ he ran his hand the length of the handle, ‘is something special, something that deserved to be treated with care.’‘Oh baby.’ Darren hugged him from behind. ‘I can’t wait to try it out.’‘Me neither,’ Daniel shivered with the excitement of just holding it, ‘me neither.’ Later that day…Daniel was alone in the bedroom, supposedly putting away the laundry but his eyes kept drifting to the bed where Darren had laid the whip across the pillows. It was so enticing laying there, its darkness a stark contrast to the crisp whiteness of the bed linen. He put down the pile of socks and tee-shirts he held and crawled over the covers. He didn’t touch it but instead nuzzled his face along its length, feeling its smoothness against his cheeks.Snaking out his tongue he licked the handle and felt his trousers tighten. This was incredible. Just the sight of it alone never mind what would happen once it came into Darren’s skilful hands. How long had he dreamed of owning something of such beauty, of such power? But never had he had the courage to suggest it. Yes, Darren wasn’t averse to giving him the pain he so often craved. And he was very good at it too. Enjoyed giving it not for the sake of hurting Daniel but because his ultimate pleasure was to see Daniel gain pleasure. Trust and love built up over years of being together, of gradually opening up and sharing their desires, their turn-ons and fantasies, meant that he wasn’t afraid of what Darren would do. If he had of been then the whip wouldn’t now be in their house. He would have simply refused to buy it. But he trusted Darren, trusted that he would use it only to bring him pleasure and not pain.Sighing he closed his eyes and rested his head on it. He could feel the energy of it and his trousers grew a little tighter. Without realising it he moaned out loud.‘Couldn’t wait huh?’ a voice laughed from the open doorway.‘Oh Darren.’ Daniel said opening his eyes to look upon his lover.Wordlessly Darren went over and drew the curtains shut, switched on the side lamps and all the time Daniel watched his movements, his heartbeat speeding up.Kneeling down Darren took from around his neck a fine gold chain on which there hung a small key.Inserting the key into the lock on the heavy wooden box that was at the foot of the bed. To anyone else the box simply looked like a box for storing spare blankets. Daniel and Darren alone knew what it really contained.Opening it Darren took out a pair of black leather gloves, gloves that only covered the palms of his hands and up to the knuckle leaving his fingers free. Gloves that had three silver studs at the wrist and gloves the sight of which was enough to make Daniel crawl on all fours towards him and grab his head for a long, deep kiss.When they parted Darren ran the back of one of them enticingly across Daniel’s face and down over his chin to where his Adam’s apple rested.‘Go and undress’ he commanded hoarsely. ‘Use the bathroom.’Daniel nodded, another deep kiss.The gloves were a sign. When he came back Darren would be wearing them and the game would commence.With shaking hands Daniel pulled off his shirt, carefully unbuttoned his trousers, left his clothes in a heap on the floor and taking a deep breath walked back into the bedroom.The whip had been relocated to the top of the box and sat there patiently waiting.In addition Darren had removed the bedclothes leaving only the bottom sheet and the pillows. On the floor beside the bed stood a bottle of water and a glass, on the nightstand was a small bowl containing more water and a flannel. Next to it was a tub of moisturiser and some massage oil. The preparations were complete.Darren stood with his back to the window, his hands behind him. He too had removed his shirt but had kept his jeans on. He looked like some kind of poster pin-up. So innocent, as if he could never do what they were about to do. But Daniel knew different.He may have looked all cutie-pie like the boy next door but they weren’t sixteen, they were adults and Darren knew what he was doing.His heart thumping like he was standing next to the world’s loudest drum kit Daniel meet his eyes, just for a moment and then lowered them. He had seen in Darren’s all that he had needed to see. ‘On the bed. Face down.’Biting his lip Daniel complied.Darren came and straddled him and the soft, supple leather of the gloves he now wore gently caressed Daniel’s back, his sides.Soothed him, relaxed him, got his body ready for what was to come.Fragrant oil trickled over Daniel’s back, pooling in the natural dip of his sacrum. The feel of skin on skin telling Daniel that, temporarily, Darren’s gloves had been removed.Strong hands worked gently at the muscles of his back, getting firmer as Darren used the heels to unravel the knots in his shoulders.Daniel moaned, the sound originating deep within his being and reverberating around the stillness of the room.‘You’re so tense.’‘Mmmm, want this so much.’ And he did. It wasn’t anything he could ever explain except to one who had been there. The pleasure, the pain, the way sometimes pleasure was pain and pain, pleasure. The way the pain turned into pleasure.More oil. Darren’s hands making a soft slicking noise as they worked their magic.Relaxing him still further until he could do nothing more than lay there, as if his bones had turned to jelly and he had been absorbed into the mattress beneath him.Darren’s fingers traced a path down Daniel’s spine, ghosting over every one of his vertebrae until he reached his tailbone, stopping just above his most intimate area.Bending down he placed a tender kiss on his neck, causing Daniel to moan once more.Getting off of Daniel’s body Darren snapped back on his gloves, repositioned Daniel so that he was lying flat out, the tips of his toes dangling off of the edge, his hands still hugging the pillow beneath his head.‘Nu-huh, no you don’t.’ Daniel’s hands were brought forth from their hiding place and encouraged to grab the struts of the headboard.Daniel’s mouth went dry and his whole body quivered. He knew what was to happen next.Darren was going to let him have double pain so that ultimately it would be double the pleasure. His groin twitched, ached, longed to be touched even as Darren was taking the two leather straps and securing Daniel’s wrists to the board. A soft kiss to the back of each hand as he checked that everything was as it should be. Not so tight that it cut off Daniel’s circulation but tight enough to prevent him from being able to wriggle out of his bonds.He was now completely at Darren’s mercy. Had placed all responsibility for his well being into Darren’s hands knowing that Darren wouldn’t push him further than he could bear, knowing that Darren recognised the gravity of such responsibility. Quite literally entrusted his lover with his life, knowing that he could do so with totally certainty. Knowing that submission wasn’t about pain, about humiliation. It was about trust. About giving yourself freely to another in the most ultimate sense of the word.One final long, deep kiss, Darren’s gloved hands cupped gently around Daniel’s face, their burning eyes meeting and then it was time.Daniel heard Darren’s irregular breathing as he picked up the whip, tried it out a few times, making the air around it part with a soft swish. He could smell the tension, the excitement, the scent of the whip and the musk of Darren’s arousal.‘Ready?’Daniel’s limbs trembled, his lungs raced to get enough oxygen in them to keep him conscious. His wrists twisted of their own accord in their restraints, sweat beaded on his forehead. Yes he was ready.‘Do it.’ He said in a quiet voice, barely more than whisper but he knew Darren heard him, knew he understood.But the expected lash didn’t come. Instead the tails of the whip were lightly trailed across his shoulders. Down his back and further, over his buttocks, the tops of his legs. So soft, deceptively soft, teasingly, a foretaste.And then the lash came.Cautious at first, as if Darren was still getting the measure of what he could do with it. Landing on Daniel’s back. Daniel moaned.It felt even better than he had imagined.Instead of just one strand falling onto him there were five or six, each splaying out to touch somewhere slightly different.He turned his head and could see how Darren’s arms muscles tensed as he drew back. How dark his eyes now were. His face full of intense concentration but also a wild look, a look that told Daniel that Darren was enjoying this as much as he was.A few more.This time they were harder and Daniel moaned loudly. ‘Arghhhhh, ahhhhhhh ohhhhhh yesssssssss.’Gripped the headboard with his bound hands, the iron rungs digging into the underside of his fingers.Instinctively his body fought to avoid the blows but a firm hand on his lower legs made him stay in place.Daniel didn’t have to ask Darren to keep going, he just did.And with each blow, each one angled to land on a different part of his skin to the last, each one becoming that much harder as Darren gained confidence and got into his stride, Daniel’s moans got louder and louder until he was practically screaming, his voicebox hoarse, every muscle in his body straining, his cock so painful that even the softness of the mattress couldn’t ease the discomfort.‘Oh baby you look so beautiful.’ Darren gasped as the whip whizzed through the air to land on Daniel’s buttocks. Daniel couldn’t reply, his entire being was now focused on the pain that was coursing through him.‘That’s it Danny, cry out, scream, let it all out.’Daniel screwed his eyes shut, felt the next blow, screamed, tasted the sweat that was pooling on his upper lip, flicked a dry tongue out in an effort to moisten his lips.His head swam and the familiar dizzy little squares danced across his closed eyelids.‘Darren I…’‘Let go, come for me baby, come for me.’Daniel’s body made the decision for him and his back arched as dampness spread out under him, the sheer force lifting his hips from the mattress.Gentle fingers stroked his face, his hair. Tender words of reassurance as he resurfaced. Too exhausted to even sigh.Darren was sat beside him on the bed. As soon as he saw that Daniel had managed to open his eyes he rained passionate kisses over his face. ‘You came so hard. It was so amazing to see. So very hard.’Daniel turned his head smiled. His whole body still sang. The euphoria of his orgasm flooding his system with enough endorphins to make the pain for the moment disappear.‘It was all your doing.’ Daniel informed his lover in a shaky voice.Reaching into the nightstand drawer behind him Darren brought forth a pair of scissors and proceeded to cut away the straps, the knots having worked themselves far too tight for him to even contemplate wasting valuable time unpicking them. All he was concerned about now was freeing Daniel.Taking Daniel’s wrists carefully into his hands his fingers worked to restore the blood supply. He laughed. ‘Hope you’ve got a clean long sleeved shirt to wear to work tomorrow.’Daniel pulled a face and then grinned. ‘Not like it would be the first time.’Darren inspected Daniel’s back, ‘Hmmm, not a bad job even if I do say so myself.’‘Mmmmm?’ Daniel’s attention had wandered and his eyes were transfixed by the whip that Darren had laid on the bed whilst Daniel was coming round. Such a nice handle, so thick and strong, so firm, so hard…Daniel felt the unbelievable stirrings of another erection as he imagined Darren using the handle to…Darren eyes drew down to what had Daniel so fascinated.‘Dan?’Daniel looked at Darren, reached out a hand to tightly grasp one of his still leather covered ones. ‘Will you…’ he swallowed hard. A gentle squeeze from Darren encouraged him to continue. ‘will you fuck me…with the handle…’Darren smiled, the fire in his eyes turning the pupils as black as a moonless midnight. ‘My pleasure.’‘I can see that.’ Daniel tugged on the blue fabric of Darren’s jeans. ‘Must be a bit uncomfortable for you. Off.’And Darren complied. Carefully unbuttoning his trousers and slipping them off, his boxers too. Until finally he stood before Dan as naked as he was, his erection jutting out proud and tall, the curly hairs that adorned it damp with sweat and pre-cum. For what had occurred was as much his pleasure as Daniel’s.Reaching up a hand Daniel ran his fingers lightly over its length, collecting the moisture and using it to dampen his parched lips. He motioned to the bottle of water, just out of reach on the floor. Although he was no longer bound he felt like he didn’t even have the energy to sit up let alone reach down for it. Hurriedly Darren poured him a glass. ‘Oh baby I’m sorry,’ Held the glass to Daniel’s lips and helped him to take a few sips, then a longer drink. Daniel gave a satisfied sigh, a gasp like a child would after drinking some soda and wrapped his fingers around Darren’s.‘Now fuck me?’Darren kissed his forehead, brushed back a piece of wet hair, made sure that Daniel was ok before picking up the discarded whip and moving out of Daniel’s line of vision, the bed dipping as he settled himself to the side of his lover. Daniel tucked his tired arms under his head and sighed contentedly.Like the whipping Darren started slowly. Took his time to prepare Daniel with more oil, using his fingers to coax his already relaxed opening even further.Daniel writhing under him, pushing back as he felt the warm digits enter him.But Darren would not be hurried.More oil, another finger, another gasp from Daniel as he was stretched further than ever before.Then the sensation changed, something other than Darren’s fingers was being pushed up against him, something so hard, and so big, so very big.Pulling a hand free Daniel groped behind him, found one of Darren’s and held it tightly.‘Ssssh, its okay. I’ll go slow.’Daniel nodded. ‘Go on.’With the hand that still clasped Daniel, Darren gripped the base of the whip and with his other he pushed it in a little further.It took his breath away to see how it penetrated his lover, the smooth yet so hard surface filling him, how Daniel gasped, whimpered, began to sob quietly.Pushed a bit more, twisted it slightly, nearly drew blood from biting down on his lip when Daniel squeezed his hand so tightly he practically crushed all the little bones in his fingers.For Daniel the sensation was beyond description. As Darren continued to carefully push in and twist, Daniel’s whole body burned. The pain was so strong and yet the pleasure indescribable.It was like fire and ice both hurtling through his veins at the same time. Sweat now made its presence felt on his back, seeping into the raw marks on his back but he couldn’t scream, all he could do was squeeze Darren’s hand tighter and tighter, Darren for his part stopped twisting the whip handle and instead gently caressed Daniel’s buttocks and thighs.Soft words so husky in their delivery, lust practically robbing him of his speech.Daniel heard them as fragments, his own heartbeat and laboured breathing drowning out all other sounds.He didn’t even realise he had come until he felt the dampness beneath him again.Then his body gave up and he was only dimly aware of Darren carefully removing the whip, of his hands and lips moving tenderly up his body, his hands stroking his sides, his lips ghosting over his marked skin.Cooling cream was applied by ungloved hands. A soothing balm.His hair was smoothed back from his neck, more kisses, reaffirming without words their love. the unspoken bond that held them to each other more than a thousand words ever could.When the words eventaully came they were from Darren’s mouth and not his.‘Oh Danny, Danny, my beautiful Danny…’His head was turned and his lips captured.Daniel let Darren do all the work, allowing him to lead his tongue where he wished, just drowning in the taste of his lover, his life-mate, his one and only. The one who made his life complete, who completed him as a human being.When they parted Daniel opened his eyes and looked into Darren’s shining ones, so alive, so full of love.With all the care of handling a new born Darren helped him to sit up, arranged the pillows so that they were supporting him, cradling his delicate back, rubbed at his sore shoulders with light touches, sore but oh so exhilarated. ‘Mmmm…’ was about all Daniel could manage, his eyes temporarily leaving Darren’s face to travel down the length of his body. Knowing that he wouldn’t be completely content until they had both had their release. Knowing that Darren’s body craved his as much as Daniel’s had.Seeing Daniel looking, Darren smiled cheekily and rotated his wrist. ‘Hmmm, I think I might just have enough strength left to finish this……no,’ he said when he saw that Daniel was about to protest, to offer to help. ‘You’ve done enough for tonight. Just sit and watch.’In reply Daniel spread his aching legs, indicated with a nod that he wanted Darren to kneel between them.Darren kissed him again and as he did so moved to do as Daniel wished.As Daniel stroked him with his eyes Darren began to use both hands to pull himself off, slow, languid strokes, a melody of lust and pleasure emanating from deep within his throat, notes of pure enjoyment and fulfilment.His cock was heavy with blood, swelling with passion.Daniel moaned quietly in encouragement. It was so erotic to watch. He put out a hand and ran his fingertips over Darren’s forearm.Their smiles met, then Darren’s eyes flickered shut, his body quivered involuntarily and moments later the blessing of their union was upon Daniel’s skin.For a long time they just lay there, holding each other, doing nothing more strenuous then occasionally kissing or caressing a lip, a finger.Daniel buried his face in Darren’s hair and licked playfully at his scalp. That morning’s shampoo replaced by the unmistakable scent of sex and satisfaction. Unexpectedly Darren giggled.‘What?’ Daniel enquired giving Darren’s head another soft lick.‘That tickles…’Daniel paused, grinned against the damp locks, moved his mouth to Darren’s ear.‘Want to know what else tickles…’Darren’s fingers traced an imaginary pattern in the dip of his neck.Daniel whispered his answer.A hitch in Darren’s breathing before he said in a shaky voice.‘What time does the auction end…?’